The whole pregnancy/birth/baby life event has definitely been a very humbling experience for me. You feel this tremendous love for the baby and for your wife, while at the same time you realize that you have absolutely no control over anything. By that I mean regarding the health of the baby and the conditions of the delivery. All I can do is pray my heart out, keep up with the doctor visits and prenatal care, and hope that everything comes out just fine. Its just another reminder to me that so much of life is not within my control.
I remember the various scenes in Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto that whenever a warrior was going to die, another warrior offered a “blessing” of sorts to the effect of “have a safe journey to the other world.” I think of our baby’s time in the womb in the same vein, that the baby is an another world right now (the womb) preparing for his journey into this world. So I am constantly praying to the higher powers that be for my baby’s safe journey into this world, my world.
I don’t generally talk to my dad about my feelings or worries (I am a Chicano, remember, and Mexican dads from his generation don’t talk about feelings–which is a whole other post right there). However, I mentioned to him that I had been praying my butt off for my son’s safe journey into this world- that he be full of health and feel lots of love and peace. I also told him that I would give anything in this world within my power to be able to protect my son through the whole birth process, but that I am relegated to watching everything from the sidelines. My dad then responded with some of his old-school wisdom, that once you become a parent, there is constant worry about protecting your kids, and that as a father, you wish you could protect them from all harm and hurt. At the same time, you have to release your kids to the world so that they can live their own lives and experiences. So as a dad and parent, you end up in constant prayer–asking God to protect your children from all the harm in this world. Random thought: maybe this was the concept behind having your own “Guardian Angel”.
The whole pregnancy/birth/baby life event has also been a very spiritual experience for me so far. It has forced me to take time out of my busy day and reconnect with my spiritual side. Mostly through introspection, meditation, silent prarer and through music. I am definitely trying to learn to let go, as GOVINDA says to do. Learning to listen to the voice of the RIVER, just like SIDDHARTHA had to learn in order to get to the next level. I have found myself praying to the Gods, for a beautiful entry into this world for our baby, and for a beautiful and pain-free delivery with no complications for my wife. All done from the sidelines because I have no control over any of these matters. I am just a passenger in this car being driven around by forces of nature and God, and it is very humbling